Looking back at pictures of quilts I've made it would be fair to say that I've made the best quilts during the most painful and troubled times life in my life..... the more pain endured the better the quilt seems to be.
I suppose it's my way of escaping reality and going on a journey where I walk around in a dark space looking for some light or some sense of order that results in a beautiful butterfly being born....
"The turning point" in my life was when I lost my best friend, my beautiful mumsy when she died from non-hodgkins lymphoma in October 2006. She had been sick for a little while and had gone through rigorous radiation therapy, chemotherapy and stem cell treatment which had no effect whatsoever. During the time she was going through all of this I had found out about a quilt competition held in France. The theme "Fashion, The Reflection of an Era" immediately caught my attention; I thought how cool to combine the two things I love the most: fashion and quilts.
This photo of Mum and I was taken in India four years earlier after we went trekking in Nepal through the Himalayan Mountains. We finished our trip with a visit to the Taj Mahal.
I started to formulate ideas and collect the Liberty fabrics to make the quilt I had in my mind. Mum was really helpful and although she wasn't a quilter she had sewn all her life. She made all her clothes as a teenager right up to when she had us kids. Because I needed a selection of older Liberty fabrics to make this quilt Mum wrote to her best friend in NSW and asked her to send some pieces that I might be able to use in my quilt. Mum would come and sit with me as I was making the quilt and just watch me as I worked away sorting through fabric scraps, deciding which piece should go where.
Here is a selection of the vintage Liberty fabrics that Teena (my Mum's best friend) sent to me.
I used pieces of each of them in the quilt however I also kept some because they are so special for me and I really love them, especially the one at the bottom left, the colours and the design are truly unique.
I started making the quilt in February 2006 shortly after having an operation on my lower back. A herniated disc pressing on my sciatic nerve had to be scraped away, my lower back and right leg were still highly sensitive after the operation and I was in quite a bit of physical pain. I had to elevate a table to sit at chest height so I didn't bend forward at all and I had my sewing machine at this height too so I didn't have to keep sitting then standing.
Each day that I went to work at the patchwork shop that I worked in at the time I couldn't wait to get home to start working on my quilt. I was like a women possessed....I would drop my bag at the table and immediately start arranging and rearranging fabrics until I was satisfied that I had found exactly the right piece. Sometimes I would sort through hundreds of scraps that I had generously been given by so many kind women who keenly and lovingly supported my vision. I would often work from 6 pm to 4 am on the quilt, reluctantly going to bed because I either had to work in the morning or because my back was too sore to continue.
While I was making this quilt Mum was often in and out of hospital having chemo. So I would stop at the hospital each night on my way home and we would sit together chatting about all the things we always talked about while we played scrabble. She was always the winner! Even in her darkest hour I found it hard to beat her at scrabble. Much to her disgust she would even let me cheat and look for words in the dictionary. We laughed & we talked about everything and we bonded even more, as I tried to keep her spirits up and as we both tried to pretend that everything would be alright.
She was so fucking brave and dignified and through it all it just broke my heart. One day when I came to the hospital she told me that she had asked the nurse what happens when you die? The nurse told her that your body just gets weaker and weaker until it finally gives up..... It makes sense really but until you watch it with your own eyes it really doesn't hit home......
So somehow through all Mum's torture and all my pain I managed to finish the quilt and I sent it off to France for the competition. I was sewing right up to the last moment before it had to be sent so I didn't even have time to take it up to Mum's so I could show her the finished product. I'd even neglected to take any good photos of it before sending it because I was so over seeing it that when I looked at the quilt I thought to myself
"This is absolute crap Soph, I can't believe you ever thought that this was good...."
I remember the moment and the look on my Mum's face when I went to the hospital to tell her that my quilt "Tribute to Dior, Homage to Liberty" had won the competition. The look of pride and achievement on her face was beautiful. She was so chuffed and so proud of me, it was priceless......
So the"turning point" for my work happened for me when I won this competition. Not only did it give me a sense of confidence but it gave my work recognition within a professional forum.
A couple of weeks later my Mum was told that she had stopped responding to the treatment they were giving her and that it was just a matter of time before she would die. She lived for three weeks after that.......
Some days I feel sorry for myself because I miss her a lot and I miss what we had together. (I'd give anything to touch the soft skin on her delicate hand just one more time) Most of all I feel lucky and grateful to have been given the greatest gift of all; an extraordinary mother. Who had the grace to share herself and really spend time with me teaching me the important things in life.
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